I'm like, mad crazy bored here at work.  Seriously, you know that type of bored where your entire body just shuts down.  Yeah that's me, right now.  I haven't written in the ol' LJ in  quite sometime.  So here's just some rambling thoughts.

2:08pm.  Laid the smack down on a customer.  Hello you have something someone gave you for free, and you're calling to complain.  Call your mom, maybe she'll give a shit.  Otherwise, I should be doing some studying.  I had this whole plan drawn up so I finish this book by the end of the week.  Three chapters a day, including exersizes, plus research one incident a day.  

Yeah so I made that plan on Mon... Tues was a crap ass day, my emotions were all over the board at about ten am I picked my the phone and slammed it against my desk.  Then I threw my headset, and stormed out of the office.  If that wasn't dramatic enough I went to my boss and was like "I'm not feelng good.  I have to go home"  I must have said it strange cuz my boss just laughed at me.  Maybe he had heard me yelling.

Yesterday was similiar, only i stayed all day and went to the doctor after.  By the time i got home i took a sleeping pill and pain killer and passed the fuck out.  I only was asleep an hour before i woke up starving like a dog chained and abandoned.  From that point i was up till eleven.  I had to be up by fourthirty,  so i was a zombie, again today.

Now is the matter of man issues.  It is always man issues. 

Current Mood: bored

I can't just sit here and stare at the map all day.  I've highlighted the interstates, highways, every twist and turn leading me, back to you.

In another time we might have met halfway.  Take my stubborn feet from the doorway, take your goodbye-not-another-look-back.  God, in all his glory, has aligned our histories together.    

The eyes are the villains in this comedy.  Blind to beauty, open only to the dark of life.  A hazard sign at the next turn.

But it has never stop us before.

Our company picnic was at Knotts Berry Farm.  Which was pretty cool considering they provided free park tickets, parking passes, all you can eat lunch and a raffle with some kick ass prizes.  Also I got to take my sister, which meant a day off from the kids for her and she got to meet my co-workers and friends.



Here's me (doing the dorky thumbs up) Joe (who i beat i a battle of strength), Emeline, Jessica and Eric :-)  After we all looked at the pics we realized my sister wasn't in any of the shots.  So she was there but i have no proof...



Dancing in the Street

One more Time

Joe Being a Thug   

Jessica and Eric

Emeline and Joe playin' it cool

That's all folks!!

Current Mood: anxious

6:12am Ran a bit late this morning, usually the vanity of things gets in the way of on-time-consideration.  No worries though.  I made it within the 5min give or take time frame.  I am fully equipped today with a stack of books, a bag of makeup and a days worth of food.  I'm good to go.  

7:16am The Gustopo of all things wrong in the office has been making her daily visit to my office at about 6:20 - 6:55am.  I like her, and agree with a good portion of what she says, but COMEON 6:20am  I can't take it.  She complains and is always right and everyone else is wrong and change is bad and everything was better before!! Seriously, I started having a panic attack yesterday just thinking about her coming in here. Which of course she did.  For me it sucks cuz its so early in the morning.  For jessica it sucks because its the start of her day.  She gets here and the first 1/2hour of her day is this lady bitching her face off.

10:19am Tuna sandwhich, apple, coffee and water...  Trying to stay calm about some BS that's going around.  My brother will be here next week, i'm totally excited.  I'll probably only get to see him one day (Tuesday).  Now the thing is, I have 38 hours of vacation time, which is totally cool, BUT because i have WORK ETHICS I'm torn between taking the day off to spend a few more hours with my brother or coming to work since we've been so busy.  The BS is that some people abuse the laid back enviorment of the department so  much and have taken off so many days, with no vacation time left, no sick time left, and then leave early, come late, take longer lunches, leave mid day for appointments... and no one questions them- it makes ME feel guilty for taking time off at all.

11:41am  Talking to crush online.  I can never think of anything intellegent to say to him, though we have so much in common.  Or maybe we don't.  Maybe the only thing we have in common is that I think he's hot and he thinks he's hot.  MEN!

2:53pm: So in closing, I'm super crazy happy about my new place :-) My roommates are kick back, the house is huge and new and I have internet and cable.  I'm heading to the chiropractor after work.  Its great because my insurance covers everything, so even the massages are covered.  I've been going two or three times a week, massage, then allignment and finish with the electrical stem (or whatever its called).  Let me tell you, I am one happy camper.

Downside of the day: Aside from all the jack ass customers, coffee pot in our office broke. This could cause a collapse in the delecate balance of things. 

Current Mood: busy

Alright, seven minutes left of work.  Attempted to study today, didn't go so well.  I'll probably hit the library for a significant period of time tonight.

In exciting news... I moved this weekend.  Only about 15 mins from where I was living before, but super nice brand new home in a brand new community.  My roommates are pretty cool, kick back but most important CLEAN!!!  The house is huge, and virtually spotless.  I'm in love!! lol  Of course it helps that there's not furniture in the house.  We're working on that though.  

Next paycheck I'll have to get a bookshelf and maybe a little night stand and a lamp.  NIght stand? i'm not sure what they are called, i dont' think its night stand though.

And jessica is back at work now.  Since yesterday.  I'm all smiles and giggles again.  Its good just being around someone positive.  People who are always down and depressed just bring others down.

Damn it... two minutes to go and I get a call.  I think he's lost, perhaps... He says hes in a strange office - alone.

hmmmm.....

So it's a wandering fool keeping us up at night.  Patter Patter against the attic floor board, keeping the house on edge.  Static hits the airwaves and we are, dawn and then morning sun piercing against my eye lids still shut, nearly tear filled from the intensity of daybreak. 

Restless lovers attack from their dreams.  I'll raise my fist in helpless anger.  We have lost someone close, during the coma of darkness.  But eyes are still dry and the heart is not glass shattered.  It is memory that haunts us now, a spiraling vortex of everything that is not becoming.

You were a journey in September, summer becoming fall.  And I was the night air escaping time passing.

Current Mood: bored

I was getting ready to post to the ol' LJ, but decided first to read my last posting.  Turns out what I have to say is strikingly similar to Friday... But what the hell here it is again...

I'm not looking forward to today.  Three day weekend just wasn't long enough.  I'm pretty serious about taking some significant time off.  Maybe the week before the LSAT.  Maybe fly out to Kansas to see my broham (brother).  The only good time at work now is between the hours of 6am (ok seriously, more like 6:05am) and like 6:50am, when I am in here by myself.  Rest of the time I want to pull my hair out.

Anyhow.  I had a good weekend, got some studying done on saturday, hit the gym that night and even went for a jog afterwards (more like a run/wheeze...).  Sunday did my laundry then went to my dad's for a really nice dinner, and movies and even the pirates game of life.  

Monday my sister called in a bit of a panic.  I ended up at her house helping her with the kids and such (or at least I hope I was helping).  What ever I love my niece and nephew, they are seriously like the cutest kids ever.

Mostly though, she's going through what I am terrified of someday feeling.  The emotions of being a mother and wife, without the guidance of having our own mother around.  In some fantasy world made up in the motherless daughter's head, it feels like everything would be so much easier and better and happier if our mom was still alive.

And no matter what the reality check is on that... its what I believe also. 

So there's that I suppose.

Current Mood: annoyed

I miss my brother.  Here's some pictures of him at fort riley in kansas.



More pictures...

My brother in Kansas

My nephew the Riley Monster

Another pic of my brother

Current Mood: happy

My neice 3months old.  Cutest baby ever!!

Current Mood: Proud

here some old photos i think i never posted.... Me and jessica being silly in the office, and another of joe and i

Me in the birthday hat

me and joe

Always hard at work!!

Jessica in Birthday Sombaro

Current Mood: accomplished

Cute man just walked in here while i was inhaling my bag of cheezits. Damn what a catch i am. Its all good though, he still stuck around for chit chat and some random foolery.

 Recap since last post...

User Conference in San Diego Tues (8/8) and Wed. (8/9).
Party in San Diego Thursday Night.
Friday night roller coaster (sometimes, getting what you want only seems like a good idea)
Errands from 8am to 7pm Saturday, then to my sisters for some booze and card games.
Brunch with the family and later the park on Sunday.
Back to work on Mon, then a date that didn't go too well later that night.  
(Date Bonus: saw the Talledega Will Ferral Movie)
Tues & Wed: Work Work Work, Study, Study Study, Gym Gym Gym 
Had a very encouraging meeting with manager on Thursday... Things are looking up.
Friday's Rock but the work day sucks.  Got to talk to a friend i've been missing and now on my way to my sisters to prepare for my nephews 2nd b-day (spongebob) party.

I'll attempt to elablorate on the important stuff in a future post.  For now enjoy the pic of me at "Jimmy Loves" in the Gas Lamp district of San Diego.

  UC 2006 San Diego

Current Mood: aggravated

I feel like there's alot I should be rambling on about. I've been busy as all get out- busy is good. It gets my mind off of what I should be doing or what I want to be doing (or who I want to be doing!! oohhhh!! lol). It forces me to focus on getting where I want to go. I feel like I'm back on track again, after 2 1/2 years of fucking around.

*note to self: I sooo wanna be able to dance like shikira, hey baby thoes hips don't lie!*

Alberto and I were suppose to take salsa classes last year before I moved from Tucson. There was this salsa club we always wanted to go but there was the whole, "i have a boyfriend" thing. Some times I think i would have been better off getting my own little place there in Tucson.

Life is funny that way. These desicions we make that change not only our lives, but the lives of others. The souls that come and go in our world. Some touch nothing, yet leave their mark on our hearts. But others come, making an impression on every aspect of our existance, long after they have walked from our sight.

In other news: I'm going to the big User Confrence our work has every year in San Diego. It should be fun. They put us up at the Marriot and then all the co workers head out to the Gaslight district every night, bar hopping, getting drunk and getting buusssy, according to what I've been told. And we get to met all the peeps that call in with their crazy questions. It'll be fun, I guess.

I hate to sound so pathetic, but it would be way more fun if Jessica was still going. But its cool, i've been hanging with some new people. Also spending alot of time with my sister and her family. I've missed them alot so I guess i'm making up for lost time.

Current Mood: calm

Talked to Weber last night and got me thinking.  Thinking lead to writing and writing lead to... me being frustrated and then falling asleep.  I miss talking Ninja.  I am so perplexed by why out of no where he stopped talking to me.  I mean, the guy was text messaging me constantly throughout our work days and then calling me every night blah blah blah.  This is 100% too common in my life.  I would say its karma but I can't think of what for. 

All I can say is that I must have been very very unfaithful in a past life.

*** I'm studying for the LSAT again.  Trying to get a few hours of study time in at the library everyday.  I feel like I should already be seeing progress, but so far its just trying to get my brain thinking in the direction of the questions.  

One of the analysts here just finished telling me our manager approved his request for tuition reimbursement for law school.  This is very encouraging news for me.  Also noteworthy, I put in my request to start training to be an analyst here.  I'm guessing it will take about six months of training to get to where I can actually apply for the position.

Nice thing will be that it includes a significant raise.  BIG PIMPN' AND SPENDING Gs!!

*** On the home front... Found out a couple of days ago that my brother will be going to Iraq. There seems to be some confusion on when exactly, but if i understood right, he will be leaving in september.  I'd say i'm just confused but maybe its denial.

UNDER WATER GUITARS!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! 

I think that's what i got for now. 1:39pm

Current Mood: depressed

Ugh! Too early to be at work already... ok well its the same time as usual, but it feels extra early today, probably because I stayed up late painting my nails and watching a movie.  

Today is jessica's last day at work here. I'll miss my friend, but its a good opprotunity for me to get back on track to doing the things that are super important right now.  For one I need to get serious about studying for the LSAT again.  I need to revise my personal statement and polish my resume for my applications.  

Also I need to get back in gear with the gym and eating right etc.  I was all excited about this nutrition class I was signed up to take, and what do i do?  I screw around before the class and forget all about it.  *sigh* 

3:23 pm .... long day today,  and its not even half way over- we did a pizza party for jess at lunch time, and then a goodbye party at BJ's for drinks and appitizers, then the branding iron afterwards.  I've been exhausted all day.

In other news...  Looks like I might have found a good roommate and a decent place.  We talked through email for a while and then on the phone yesterday.  He seems pretty cool and laid back.  I like the place but I'm not toally sure about the area.  I'm meeting him tomorrow after work to check the place out for myself.

All I know is that it is way to hot to stay at my place much longer.

Seriously, like hot hot hot.

Seriously, I can't be going out  on Wed. nights anymore.   I have no idea how much I drank last night, but I feel like I'm going to puke my brains out.  Serious.  I think the problem might have been that we didn't stay out as late as we usuallly do (which is to sober up) so i went to bed to pretty fucked up still.

Worst part is, I don't even know if we had fun or not.  The only thing I specificlly remember is talking with this drunk guy whose friends was like sleeping in his lap.

Shit, this is going to be a rough morning. 

I also remember my friends taking the battery out of my phone.  Oh I wonder wonder wonder who I called, that would have made them go to such extremes.

I think that if i throw up i might feel alot better.  God that's disgusting.  To make things worst we are super crazy busy today here and my coworker called me last night saying she probably won't be in today.  Which meansno one will be here till about 7:30 to help answer phones.  This is a bad situation.

To make a long story short...

1. Jessica will leave for texas next wed. 
2. Ninja is coming to Cali to work for a while.
3. My brother will be visiting at the end of the month.
4. Probably not going to law school this year.
5. Clear horizon for better opportunity at this company.

 Ninja got the okay to work in Cali. right away, which i'm hoping means he'll be out here by the time jessica leaves.  I guess he still is waiting from his supervisor for the final okay, otherwise everything looks good.  It will be fun to see him again and hang out again.  Hindsight is tell me that the only significant time he and I spent together we were both drunk out of our minds, which could be a bad situation i don't know.

My brother will be out at the end of the month for a weekend visit.  Well see how that goes.  Guess he bought a car, which i'm glad, but blew the rest of his money.  He has a new telephone number but although he's called my sister, and I called his fiancee' for the number, I still do not have any way to get ahold of him.  Plus he hasnt called me. Gee thanks bro. 

Looks like I won't be going to law school this year.   Meaning i'm gonna have to step into high gear on the LSAT studying.  Also need to start saving for the Kaplan class.  Now that I'm really studying hard (i didn't get to do real serious study the last time around), I can see that a class would be worth my time and money.

Job is starting to look a bit up.  I had my mid-year review.  Same ol' same ol' on all that... But I did bring up the fact that I need to be doing something more, and that I'm worth more to this company than just as some one who answers the damn phone.  The nice thing is that our department is a test group for a new type of review process.  I'm not sure how to explain it, but for me at this time it is benificial for my goals.  

We have to fill out this paper about the direction we want our career to go and then our managers help us map out a plan to get there.  A position for tech writing editor has become available in our department, and although it wasn't exactly said "this could be yours" it was hinted that they could maybe work something out.  My B.A. is in  Criminal Justice, a bit of far cry from English or Tech Writing.  But they do training and i'm positive the position pays a good deal more than what I'm making now.  The thing is, there could be other positions that are more suited towards my personal career goals than just here in my department.  My manager mentioned i might be more interested in contracts, for example.

Guess we'll wait and see.

Current Mood: aggravated

So as of tomorrow Jessica will be officially moving to texas for the summer.  Which also means she'll be quitting her job, which means we won't be working together anymore.  I'm doing my best trying not to panic and hit the "everyone leaves me" mode, but i mean seriously now... anyone i've met and got close to in the last  year, have left.  And that's just this last year and a half....

No need to take a drive down that dreary road.

Basically she talked to me about it yesterday, and I helped her write out a pro's and con's list.  In the end I knew, maybe even more than she did, that when you love some one that much, it doesn't really matter the cost.  In other words, the pro's list could have had just his name, and the con's list could have been pages, but in the end its the single name that wins out.

I know because I've been there.  When I told Ninja about jess going to texas, he gave me this list of stuff to tell her, about how its a bad idea.  Because I've been there, I know first hand the possibilites.  But these are things you learn by doing, not by other people telling you about them.

Oh to be young again. lol

In other news:  Totally going on the cruise tomorrow!  I can't wait.

Current Mood: Hungover

Although I have this pounding headache slowly taking over my entire head and face, I am in an unusually good mood today.  I think my co-workers are feeling sorry for me cuz jessica's not here this week.  I keep getting random visits and long chit chats from people who don't normally hang out.  One of my co-workers even bought me cookies! SCORE!

Above entry started yesterday... Below is from today... AutoSave you rock the house.

I feel like crap today... It started yesterday, with a headache, stuffy nose and grogginess... i bought some medicine last night, that didn't do any good.  I would have stayed home today, but its too damn hot in my room, and besides I only have 16 hours of sick time left and I want to save them for when i'm not sick and need a day off :-)  This morning I woke up with a sore throat and stuffy head, I could barely think, felt dizzy, sick to my belly, was sweating but felt cold!! ARGGHH!

In other news... started reading The Divinci Code.  Pretty good book, I mean I read it all afternoon till I felt like my eyes were going to fall out of my head... :::other actions will cause blindness much faster:::  I've watched a bunch of history channel programs about the background of the book and all the history etc.  Its  interesting but I think people aren't realizing that in the end its just a novel.  And I'm talking about both sides of the issues here... 

It's sorta like renting brokeback mountain... 

Which actually was a really good movie.

Current Mood: groggy

6:30am  [Music: Nickleback: RockStar... because Jessica is not here to stop me]

Jessica is in Spain till Monday.  This means by about Wed. I'll be here talking to myself and by Friday I'll hang a "do not disturb" sign outside my office and hide under my desk shaking and crying... Actually what it really means is i get to listen to the music I want to and won't be swayed to feed the sugar cravings we mutually get at about 1pm.  

8:05am [Music: James Blunt: Cry]

Oh yeah, and I am officially looking for a place to live as soon as possible ASAP Right this second if I could make it magically happen.  I came home Saturday night, after spending a very pleasant day with my sis and her kids and then going to a 40th b-day party for one of the fav. cousins (margaritas, pinatas, taquitos, and drunk mexicans ohhhh yeahhh!!), and what do I find in the BATHROOM.... Not sure, a science project gray matter balled up in a mixing bowl with human like qualities, looked like what a plumber might pull from a clogged sink, the size of a human brain, possibly with the same consistency.  Covered in spices?  HELP!! My roommate is conducting human sacrifices in the same place I shower and brush my teeth!!!!!

9:51am [Music: Johnny Cash: Mercy Seat] 

Southern Illinois is started to admit people from the wait list... 82 wait listed people... if I went to this school it would mean I'd have my law degree in 3 years, i'd be 29.... if i stay here in CA and get into whitter this time around, i'd have my law degree in 4 years (night program/part time)... If i don't get in, I take the lsat again in september and would not be done with law school until i was 31, in 5 years.

NOTE: We will begin admitting applicants from the wait list today. We hope to have this process completed by the end of the week.

12:34 [Music: Lynyrd Skynard: Sweet Home Alabama]

I had some leftover sushi from friday I was going to still attempt to eat this morning, of course it was bad so I threw it in the trash here... so now the office smells like rotten fish and OF COURSE this is the day I get a visit from mr.damni'mgoodlookingwithsupercutesmile and he's in here chit chatting for a significant period of time and all I can think about if the office smelling like rotten fish- so now not only did my office smell, but he probably thinks I'm totally uninterested in what he was saying since i couldn't focus or come up with any intelligent replies to what he was saying... Strike One... wait i think we are wayyyy past strikes here.... what comes next?? Outs that's what. OUT!

2:26pm [Music: Dionysos: Song for  a Jedi]  

Ok so overview of the day... Finding a few good men for roommates.... (I'm not really interested in rooming with females EVER again) but didn't send out any emails or give out my number or even simply click the "show i'm intrested" button - so much for progress on moving out IMMEDIATELY.  What I did do today was play Jigsawduko like 100x's.  What I really need is to redo my resume and find a new show to watch on YouTube.

Current Mood: busy

Oh my back!! Oh my neck!  I'm getting too old for this shit... For what now?  I think I'm at that point where I need to be getting a solid eight hours of sleep at night.  Right now I think I average about 4 - 5 hours.  Was it only last year that this was sufficient? Ugh!

In other news, haven't heard from my brother since he left last sunday.  Things were pretty cool with him while he was out here.  He ended up spending Wed. night through Sat. morning with me.  It was cool until about Friday night, when I could smell that he hadn't showered since he'd been at my house.  We argued a bit about my sister, talked about relationships and life etc. etc.  I like talking with my brother and was glad we had the time to do so.  But all good things must end and by Saturday morning i was ready for him to leave for another six months.  

I think I'm getting to the point where I can only handle my siblings in small doses.

Jess and I went out wed and stayed out till about 2:30am... We spent about 90$ in alcohol between the both of us.  According to ninja I called him and was talking dirty- I'm pretty sure he's teasing me.  I do remember  telling him a number of times that he better be coming out here next month like he promised.  

Way to make a man paranoid.

Friday I hung out drinking (again) with jess at her house with a couple of our co-workers.  This was suppose to be a quiet night, but we ended up at some bar the size of my apartment with about 5000 other people pack in.  I had enough alcohol in me to become noticeably freaked out.  According to jess I ran out of the bar, crossed the street and apparently was on my way home when she stopped me.  It was here that I started talking some shit about her and (shamefully enough) white people in general.  Of the things I remember, notably was jessica telling me to chill it with the race stuff.  

To sum up the evening, I had to call jess in the morning to apologize to her for the mean things I said, and for her having to take care of me when I drink too much (even if this is when she also has drank too much).  When I talked to Ninja again, he claims I called him Friday night and yelled at him because he hadn't called (jessica says I was talking loud not yelling, I think he's playing with my head).  And one guy we were hanging out with that night asked, "what the hell happened Friday"  to which I replied, "we all got a little out of control."

Went to the beach on Saturday.  Nice and relaxing day.  Spent Father's day at my dad's, where it didn't really feel like a special day for him- His wife made taco salad and we watched the home shopping network.  I got him a book on the history of american guitars and a gift certificate to the guitar shop, he seemed to like both.  I'm gonna try and take him out for lunch or dinner on Friday to make up for the crummy sunday.

Oh yeah, and 17 days till the cruise!! WatchOut!

Current Mood: aggravated